POST-APOCALYPSE IN 2010

Downloading is great. I can download a million reasons to stay home, but I can't download food. Or booze. Proving that even 2010 isn't future enough.
MY POST APOCALYPSE MATINEE: A comparison.
1. THE BOOK OF ELI
This film is set after a nuclear holocaust has ruined the continental US landscape as well as the sky and Malcolm X plays Eli who is working hard to ensure that Christianity and iPods survive in the aftermath. My two least favorite things about western society, #1 Christianity and #2 iPods. Also noteworthy is the post-​apocaproduct placement. Gary Oldman is in there too, living up to his last name and playing a character I'm sure isn't too far a departure from his actual personality. Tom Waits has a bit role as an iPod servicemen. It ends with Jackie Burkhart from That 70's Show getting saved and praying before she eats cat or some shit. I didn't get to the end of this cinematic experience. Fountain of diarrhea.

2. THE ROAD
Depressing, meandering, well acted and depressing. But still not nearly as dark as the story I imagined it to be when reading the book and loving the holy shit out of it. If you watch this movie you probably won't want to read the book. Consider having your soul soiled by living out a father/son death march in an ashen scape of cannibal-rapist infested wastelands through your eyes for 100 minutes vs. living through it in your mind for the hours and perhaps days it might take you to read it in full, hauntingly descriptive detail. The film might dissuade you from picking up the book, a huge mistake. You should read it. Then when you see the movie you'll be all like "That wasn't so bad. No headless babies on a spit this time. Whew."

I used to look forward to the post-​apocalypse until I read this book. Getting a feral makeover (Roadwarrior) and fortifying my domicile against mutants, making babies by the litter, making gunpowder and packing home-made shells for beheading would-be saboteurs with lye and buckshot blasts. Ideal. Now as soon as I see that flash and hear those concussing reports I'm going to take a bath with my toaster.